I am going to share something really personal today…This is definitely something I am embarrassed to admit, but I feel that if I am go get better, it’s time to come clean:
I am a comparison freak. I am so worried about what other people think, that I try to compare myself to them to see if I measure up to their expectations.
(Granted, they probably have not set any expectations for me, but I am comparing myself to these imagined expectations.)
“Is my hair curled just right?”
“Are my nails painted and chip-free?”
“Suzy Q wore a dress and I’m in jeans, now I look like a slob”
“It took 2 hours for my post to receive 200 likes, but it only took So-and-So’s 30 minutes…My followers must not like me anymore.”
I kid you not, that last one has been my latest form of joy-thievery. How often do I look at someone’s perfectly Valencia-filtered image and feel a twinge of jealousy when their photo receives 100 more likes than my post that day? Why can I not be happy that they created a praise-worthy photo and enjoy their success with them??
It’s because I compare their success against mine and immediately am filled with self-doubt. I frantically try to think of reasons for why x-amount of people liked my post yesterday, and now only x-amount of people liked today’s post. And then I start thinking, “well, her outfit is so simple, and mine took 15 minutes to plan, and I put so much effort into mine, why should she get more likes, and I have more followers” and on and on the comparison spirals downward until I’ve landed myself in the pit of envy.
Isn’t it funny how that always happens? How comparison invariably leads to envy? I think Theodore Roosevelt’s words would be more complete if they added“Comparison is the thief of joy…and envy drives the getaway car“.
Comparison always leads to envy, and you never have envy unless you’ve done a little comparing first. Suddenly that pair of Kate Spade flats you’ve been lusting after for months and then scored on clearance seems second-rate when Mary Margaret brings home the newly-released Isola Wedges…Even though deep down you prefer your flats to her wedges, the fact that she didn’t have to wait for months to get them suddenly makes your treat seem second-rate. And then in some twisted way, you are annoyed with her because she could afford them, and you can’t be happy for her because you are no longer satisfied with what you have.
And then you probably stuff your new shoes in the back of your closet because they are “so last season”, never-mind that you dreamt about them for months.
So why am I talking about all of this comparison and envy stuff? You’ve probably noticed how I’ve been taking random absences and not blogging with NEARLY the consistency as I had been a couple months ago. It’s really a combination of a lot of things, I’ve been working a lot and therefor I come home tired with little creative juices left, but the biggest factor in my slim posts is that I’ve been suffering from a really bad case of Writer’s Block…
AKA, my comparison and envy of other bloggers has consumed all of my thinking, and I have no energy left (or even a desire) to compose a post. The joy that I once found in blogging has been stolen by comparison and replaced with deep feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and even envy, of the skills and success of other bloggers.
For awhile, I couldn’t even be happy for a friend of mine who recently started her own blog, and subsequently had an influx of 2,000 followers. Awesome blogger, outfit creations are amazing, super sweet person, and most certainly her new following is well-deserved.
And here I am being a sour-puss because I’ve been blogging for a lot longer and never saw that amount of interest in my own blog. And you know what I did?? Stopped liking her photos for a week, just because I was miffed at her.
Because she had 2,000 more followers than me.
Aaand she earned it.
(Pretty silly and downright pathetic of me!)
But do you see how it started? Here I am, genuinely happy with the amount of success my blog has seen (which is something I NEVER expected when I first began over a year ago), and then suddenly it seems like small change compared to my friend’s new blog.
There it is, the comparison thing!
I compared my success against hers, I became dissatisfied with my rather awesome accomplishments, because they didn’t seem quite as big as hers. And then that dissatisfaction turned into envy.
And envy drove the getaway car right to self-doubt, and then the cycle repeats itself.
Compare –> envy –> self-doubt , repeat.
And that self-doubt is what has kept me from truly enjoying the blogging process! I started having difficulty with knowing what to talk about during a post, and then it became a hassle to put together outfits, and then I had less and less motivation to sit down and right a post.
1). I began to think what I had to say wasn’t interesting
2). I kept repeating the same things over and over again (like, how many posts in a row can Whitley mention how OVER winter she is?)
3). I started thinking my outfits were weak sauce compared to other bloggers
4). Other bloggers seemed to have better ideas than I had.
And the list goes on and on, around and around, just like that cycle mentioned above.
Just like a merry-go-round.
And everyone knows that if you stay on a merry-go-round for too long, eventually it will make you dizzy and sick.
I’m reading this book called The Envy of Eve that my husband gave me (insightful and smart man!), and let me tell you, it’s been a very unpleasant eye-opener! Melissa Kruger explains how at the heart of envy of others and dissatisfaction is the belief that God isn’t enough.
Outch.
Not only was I not happy with the many things that God has blessed me with (read: they’re blessings and not rights), but I was ultimately saying that God Himself was not enough to make me happy.
That’s like the Mona Lisa saying to Da Vinci that he wasn’t artist enough to paint her.
So to you all, my readers, my fans, my friends, I owe a huge apology! I apologize for allowing my comparison of others to steal the joy and creativity I found in blogging just a short month or two ago. I’m sorry, to my friends, for how it affected our relationships and my not being able to be happy for you when you received success. I’m sorry to my sweet husband who had to deal with Johnny Raincloud living under our roof. But more importantly, I am sorry, dear Lord, for not believing that You are enough to satisfy me.
It’s time for me to stop comparing, to stop allowing myself to steal my own joy. Angela from Momopolize said it very well, I stole my own sunshine.
How do I do that? Well, I might just have to take a break from social media all-together, because that’s where most of my comparisons are made. Not permanently, just for a bit of time to help get me centered. That probably means I’ll take a break from blogging, too, but this time it is a planned time-off, and it has an end date. So, starting today and going until a week from today (the 16th), I am taking a break from blogging and social media.
Which means I’ll probably have to delete the apps off my iPhone and iPad, because the Lord knows I don’t have enough self-control to not peek at them every now and then (that’s a whole other blog post for another time)….
(Which means I’ll probably wait until tonight, because I want to see what you all think of this post!!)
This has definitely been a long time coming.
It’s time to hop off the merry-go-round.
Stay Classy!
I really like your blog and your Instagram, it offers me so much style inspo! I'm just a nobody gal, so this comment prob won't mean much, but I hope you feel better. Don't worry, there's always someone worse off than you. 🙂
I really like your blog and your Instagram, it offers me so much style inspo! I'm just a nobody gal, so this comment prob won't mean much, but I hope you feel better. Don't worry, there's always someone worse off than you. 🙂
Amy,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement, you're definitely not a nobody gal! I always enjoy reading your comments and thank you SO much for taking the time to read my blog and comment on my posts! Your comments definitely do not go unnoticed :).
xoxo!
Amy,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement, you're definitely not a nobody gal! I always enjoy reading your comments and thank you SO much for taking the time to read my blog and comment on my posts! Your comments definitely do not go unnoticed :).
xoxo!
Amy,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement, you're definitely not a nobody gal! I always enjoy reading your comments and thank you SO much for taking the time to read my blog and comment on my posts! Your comments definitely do not go unnoticed :).
xoxo!
Girly, you are so fabulous!! But, I know how comparison works. I recently had a come to Jesus moment with myself and decided that I don't need anything else. My closet is overflowing and just because Person X has something pretty doesn't mean that I need it. IG, while an amazing world filled with great ladies like yourself, has a tendency to make things seem mandatory. I mean, I don't even wear bracelets, but I fell victim to the great animal bangle trend last year. Why, because they looked Sooooo cute on Person Y! Proud of you for recognizing that comparison is getting you down. That's the first step in creating a better relationship with yourself and God. I hope you are able to find solace. I'll miss your sweet face, Pretty girl!!
xoxo
Corey
This is a great post. I too have fallen into trying to keep up with what is next by purchasing what other ladies have purchased or "modeled". Time to refocus and cherish the blessings you have!
Whitley, I could not relate any more. I'm constantly comparing myself to others and deciding that I'm not as good as them, based on some arbitrary "expectation" that I made up myself. I'm especially horrible with this in relationships – never thinking I'm as "good" as my boyfriend's exes. As you can imagine, I've never been able to keep a relationship which that attitude. Anyway, I totally understand how you feel and I have to admit, I've been envious of your life before! We're not alone in this. Best of luck to you girl!
I think you are saying aloud what most of us have thought at one time or another. The liked posts bit hit especially close to home. Why did yesterday's post get x likes but not today's? And then I stress about what I should post tomorrow. And that's not why I post, I post because it keeps me from wearing the same ten things over and over again. Enjoy your break, looking forward to a refreshed Whit next week.
I think you are saying aloud what most of us have thought at one time or another. The liked posts bit hit especially close to home. Why did yesterday's post get x likes but not today's? And then I stress about what I should post tomorrow. And that's not why I post, I post because it keeps me from wearing the same ten things over and over again. Enjoy your break, looking forward to a refreshed Whit next week.
I think you are saying aloud what most of us have thought at one time or another. The liked posts bit hit especially close to home. Why did yesterday's post get x likes but not today's? And then I stress about what I should post tomorrow. And that's not why I post, I post because it keeps me from wearing the same ten things over and over again. Enjoy your break, looking forward to a refreshed Whit next week.
Best thing I have read in a long time. Love your honesty and I think you have said what many have been thinking for a long time. Social media is a double edged sword. On one hand, I get so much inspiration and have developed some amazing friendships (you included lady! haha!) but on the other hand, I have become so much more critical of myself because of constant comparisons I do. Every.Single. Day. Some days I don't even want to post anything because I don't think it's good enough. UGH! Why do we do this to ourselves?? I will certainly miss your face and outfits (I mean, really, I do need inspiration! haha!) but I completely understand.
xoxoxoxo
emily agosta
Hey Whitley, I felt the same exact way yesterday, so when I read this I felt relieved that a girl with such creativity and such a beautiful blog could feel the same way I did. I love it when girls can be honest and genuine and most importantly admit to their faults but self seeking of who God made them to be. I look forward to your posts next week, it's a joy following you. God bless! Rachel of http://Garaytreasures.wordpress.com
Hey Whitley, I felt the same exact way yesterday, so when I read this I felt relieved that a girl with such creativity and such a beautiful blog could feel the same way I did. I love it when girls can be honest and genuine and most importantly admit to their faults but self seeking of who God made them to be. I look forward to your posts next week, it's a joy following you. God bless! Rachel of http://Garaytreasures.wordpress.com
Hey Whitley, I felt the same exact way yesterday, so when I read this I felt relieved that a girl with such creativity and such a beautiful blog could feel the same way I did. I love it when girls can be honest and genuine and most importantly admit to their faults but self seeking of who God made them to be. I look forward to your posts next week, it's a joy following you. God bless! Rachel of http://Garaytreasures.wordpress.com
Good for you!! I feel the exact same way! I am never as pretty or as well dressed as other bloggers. We need to know that we are perfect in Christ and blogging should be fun! Way to go – and you are lovely(: Susan
Good for you!! I feel the exact same way! I am never as pretty or as well dressed as other bloggers. We need to know that we are perfect in Christ and blogging should be fun! Way to go – and you are lovely(: Susan
Good for you!! I feel the exact same way! I am never as pretty or as well dressed as other bloggers. We need to know that we are perfect in Christ and blogging should be fun! Way to go – and you are lovely(: Susan
Whitley,
Loved this blog post. I completely identify with the feeling that social media can often cloud what we originally set forth to accomplish: sharing our style and lives with others. I think you're an absolutely amazing blogger, and your IG account is one of my faves–because it's adorable and *real.* I hope to see you back soon! 🙂
xx
Kelly
kellyinthecity.com
Whitley,
Loved this blog post. I completely identify with the feeling that social media can often cloud what we originally set forth to accomplish: sharing our style and lives with others. I think you're an absolutely amazing blogger, and your IG account is one of my faves–because it's adorable and *real.* I hope to see you back soon! 🙂
xx
Kelly
kellyinthecity.com